New Delhi: With countless consumer products, ubiquitous porn and popular expectations of men ‘performing’ tirelessly in the bedroom, it’s natural that desires and pleasure can take the backseat.
As greatness in sex is intuitively linked with being ‘manly’, a sexual act that could be pleasurable for both partners, can be reduced to the idea of brazen performance.
To be at peace and to express yourself freely, men must accept their sexuality. This acceptance must be built in terms of what feels right and what makes you happy, and not by following what others or society expects out of you. Just like no two individuals are alike, what counts as ‘great sex’ is different for each individual and couple.
For Gaurav Gupta, the co-founder of men’s health and wellness brand Misters.in, sex is the sine qua non of a life well lived.
“Dear men, to start with, keep it in mind that sex is a collective feeling of partners and is not solely a man’s bastion. The act of lovemaking is a very private affair and should concern the partners involved. If both are happy and content, nothing can be better or greater,” he opines.
Gupta’s top five tips for men to have better sex.
Foreplay is the sweetest part of lovemaking. It is foreplay that makes the human sexual experience different from animals. The sweet nothings, cuddling, kisses and hugs make couples bond more deeply than through intercourse. Especially for women, foreplay holds a very special position in the entire lovemaking process and they tend to remember it more vividly than anything else about sex. Prolonged foreplay also vastly enhances the sexual experience for both partners.
2. Understand your partner’s needs
Knowing what your partner wants in bed is the most powerful tool for better sex. Sadly, in their zeal for self-gratification, most men tend to ignore this. What they miss out on is a spontaneous partner going on the way to make the experience more mutually gratifying while building a greater trust factor which in turn strengthens the relationship. To make sex better, try and find out what turns your partner on – Is it oral? Visual? Mental? According to experts, more than the intercourse itself, women find greater pleasure in oral stimulation; so go ahead and pleasure her. Don’t forget to stimulate the clitoris too.
Educate yourself. Learn about the basic rules of sex, about what women like in bed, about lubricants, about making love differently, about pleasuring each other in newer ways, about how hormone levels and sexual drive change with age, and much more. If you are experiencing any sexual health issue, seek help. It is essential to educate yourself to destroy the expectation of hyper-masculinity, the idea of which is built on the wrong notion of objectifying men and unknowingly putting them in the performance arena. Pornography can triggers feelings of low self-esteem among men, while in reality, porn is not about average men and is the farthest end of the spectrum.
4. Try something new
In long term relationships, sex often tends to be tedious and it becomes increasingly tricky to get excited, stay focused, and pleasure your partner. Experimentation is what you need. Think of making love to your partner outside the hackneyed bedroom. Explore newer corners of your home. What about the kitchen countertop? Be experimental in bed – try new positions, stop shying away from sex toys, and consider using vibrators made for couples. Moreover, talk about sexual fantasies, new lubricants, and new ways of pleasuring each other, to make sex not only better but more thrilling.
Ask her how she feels, if she wants something different and tell her how desirable she is – and see how she unravels herself. Talking openly always makes sexual experiences better. In case you had an issue with your partner regarding sex, something that has created tension or resentment – gently broach the subject with her and clear the cloud.
In the case of sexual disorders, be it erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, effective communication with the partner is extremely critical. Ideas floated in the name of great sex are mostly hyperbolic. In life, great sex mostly comes from great love.